When two people get married they emotionally attach to dreams, hopes, fantasies and plans of what their life will be like. For some, getting and being married is a central part of their religion or spirituality. Getting divorced forces people to let go of deeply held hopes and dreams and re-negotiate their world view. The name for this process is grief.
Grief is an inevitable and essential part of any divorce. We don’t learn how to grieve, we do it automatically, whether we know it or not. Many people associate grief narrowly with death, and while it is true that we grieve for those who have died, we also grieve many other losses throughout our life as well.
Getting a divorce involves a legal, financial and emotional separation. Each of these separations comes with it’s own unique type of grief. Some people fight the experience of grief, they get hung up on being right or get lost in the minutia of one particular issue. Despite our best efforts, the deep and painful feeling states associated with grief must be felt in order for us to transition to the next chapter of our lives.
Regardless of the degree of certainty you have about needing to get divorced, you will still have to grieve. You may normally solve problems by “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” or finding ways to be grateful and yet, if you are getting a divorce, you will have to grieve.
There are several different states of grief. Many people start grieving by being in a state of denial, which serves as a protective shield against the initial impact of the shattered dream. Fear, anxiety, guilt, sadness and anger are other emotional states that are part of the grieving process, each allowing you to complete a different task so that you can acknowledge and accept the loss and successfully move forward.
It is common for people to reach out to a trained mental health provider during times of loss and transition. Sharing your story with a therapist can be a powerful way to make sense of and eventually be free from grief and pain.
The emotions in divorce can be difficult to navigate. Certain divorce processes are better suited to help with these emotions in divorce. Collaborative divorce is a supportive divorce process that traditionally includes a mental health professional, financial specialist, and two family law attorneys.
Dena Tranen, LCSW is a trained collaborative law professional, licensed clinical social worker and former member of CFLA. She works as a mental health coach, therapist, and co-parenting specialist. To learn more about your Missouri divorce process options give her a call today.
Make Your Missouri Divorce Less Painful Preparation, getting the right support, and making sure you educate yourself on the right and wrong things to do can make the process a little less painful. Let’s take a look at some of the best and worst things you can do during the divorce process. Here are 5 […]
It’s time to decide whether your child will get their own cell phone. Whether you are going through a divorce, divorced, or never married, Collaborative Practice offers some valuable lessons for making this and other important parenting decisions. There is a real need for certain limitations on your child’s use of their cell phone, to […]
There’s something to be said for the “drama-free” divorce. Well, maybe not drama-free, since getting a divorce tends to be a very emotional chapter in the lives of most couples. But in my opinion, a divorce with minimal drama ought to be a goal. The Cost of Drama in Divorce It’s not that I don’t […]
Parents of special needs or medically complex children move through their life with a certain amount of grief always present. Grief is the name of the process we are hard-wired to experience when we face loss or transition. Parents are deeply connected to the hopes and dreams they have for their children often years before […]
Getting divorced when you are the parent of a special needs or medically complex child can seem like a daunting task that could put an unbearable amount of additional stress on an already stressed-out family system. Many couples with a special needs child make the default decision to stay in an unhappy marriage because the […]
When two people get married they emotionally attach to dreams, hopes, fantasies and plans of what their life will be like. For some, getting and being married is a central part of their religion or spirituality. Getting divorced forces people to let go of deeply held hopes and dreams and re-negotiate their world view. The […]
More goes into telling your kids about divorce than just having a one-time, prepackaged sit down and delivering the information. The stage of development that your child is in will have a big impact on how you have the conversation about your divorce and what to expect next. Children who are young, under 5, are […]
Divorce is on your horizon and having experienced professionals in your corner will make the collaborative divorce process less time consuming and arduous. If you are seeing a therapist, hopefully you are, your therapist should be one of those helpers getting you through the emotional obstacle course, as well as providing you logistical information. Even […]
Money has emotion attached to it. Money represents security and safety. Lack of money means insecurity and fear. Divorce means money will be split up. Splitting one pot of money into two pots of money creates emotion, and rarely are these emotions positive. For many in divorce, it’s a surprise that their 401k is a […]
SO, YOU WANT A SIMPLE DIVORCE? I often hear this from prospective clients, usually in relation to the anticipated cost of getting divorced. As in, “how much will it cost me for a simple divorce?” My answer is normally, “it depends,” and that begins a rather lengthy conversation about what, exactly it depends on. In […]