The Drama-Free Divorce - Collaborative Family Law Association of St. Louis

Collaborative Family Law Association

< Back to All Posts

The Drama-Free Divorce

CFLA Former Member

There’s something to be said for the “drama-free” divorce.  Well, maybe not drama-free, since getting a divorce tends to be a very emotional chapter in the lives of most couples.   But in my opinion, a divorce with minimal drama ought to be a goal.

The Cost of Drama in Divorce

It’s not that I don’t like drama.    Drama has its place.  A lot of my favorite TV shows, films and books are drama-filled and can be quite engaging.  I just don’t see a benefit to bringing all that drama to the table in a divorce.  Drama-filled divorces are the stuff dreams are made of.  Unfortunately for you, these are not your dreams; they are the dreams of litigation attorneys who are more than willing to turn your contention into billable hours.  While you’re burning through your children’s college funds to pay for your bitter divorce, the litigation attorneys are now able to afford to send their kids to college without taking out student loans.  So, unless you’re expecting your divorce story to get picked up by a Hollywood producer as the remake of War of the Roses, and you’re getting big bucks for the movie rights, it may be in your best interest to keep the drama to a minimum.

Emotions and Divorce

I understand that when things go South in our lives, marriage-inclusive, our tendency is to look around for someone to blame.  It’s the American way.  The first response of most human beings facing the break-up of a relationship is anger- at our partner, at the way things have turned out, maybe even anger at ourselves for making a bad choice of a mate.  When you walk into a divorce attorney’s office loaded for bear and wanting to get even for the pain and disappointment your spouse has caused you, some attorneys will take you at your word and get your case filed in court before the ink is dry on your contract.  A client motivated by anger may be oblivious to the high cost of litigating a divorce.  At the onset, you may think it’s worth it, just to punish your spouse for hurting you.  But most people come to their senses relatively soon, and many realize that they are now stuck in a process that moves rather slowly and inefficiently but costs a lot of money.  For the most part, clients in litigation feel like they have very little control over what happens in that process.  There are a lot of hoops to jump through, and clients seldom understand why all those things are necessary.   The court system takes a rather “one size fits all” approach to cases, by necessity, based on the sheer volume of cases that are filed, so once you are in that system, you are forced to move along with the herd.

Good News: You Have Divorce Process Options

The good news is, there are other processes, like mediation or collaborative divorce, that can offer you a more personalized approach to getting a divorce.  Even though you are dealing with the same issues, in the same situation, these processes are designed to help you let go of your anger and to take a more reasonable, problem-solving approach to untangling the finances and the child-related issues and to craft a future for you and your spouse that allows both of you to survive, and even thrive in your future as co-parents.

If you are facing a divorce or legal separation, you owe it to yourself to explore divorce process options, such as mediation, collaborative divorce, or kitchen table negotiation, to find the process that best suits your needs.

About the author:

Marjorie Carter is a collaboratively-trained family law attorney, mediator and former member of CFLA.  Marjorie is committed to guiding her clients through the legal process by taking a reasonable, peacemaking approach, helping them to find creative solutions that respect their own values and integrity.

More Posts from this Author

December 22, 2017
Divorce and Disappointment

Unfortunately, we all face disappointment at some point.  It is a part of life.  How you choose to deal with disappointment is what often matters most.  You will face many feelings during a divorce and disappointment is a common feeling that many people face. The Disappointment When you focus on the negative parts of a […]

Read More
July 27, 2017
Talking to Your Spouse About Separation and Divorce

You’re not happy in your marriage and haven’t been for quite some time.  You’re ready to tell your spouse how you feel and wonder how to do it.  How you begin this conversation can have an impact on whether your separation or divorce will be friendly and civil or ugly and contested.  There are a […]

Read More
May 30, 2017
The Collaborative Process is The Kumbaya Divorce

It is likely that you either have a friend or a family member who experienced a divorce and barely exchange their children without a fight.  You go through life saying that will never be your situation. Then you are sitting at the table having “that” conversation with your spouse. A divorce is now imminent.  How […]

Read More
April 10, 2017
Can We Both Use the Same Divorce Attorney?

This is a question many couples ask who are thinking about divorce.   There are many reasons why people want to use one attorney and usually, it comes down to finances.  How can we cut our costs of this divorce since attorneys are expensive,  how can we divorce and not get into a nasty court battle […]

Read More
December 14, 2016
How to Keep Your Children Out of the Middle of Your Divorce

Extensive research suggests that for children of divorce, what is most damaging is the experience of their parents fighting; how children adjust and fare after a divorce is closely linked to how their parents get along with each other. Those children whose parents are civil and demonstrate good faith towards one another are much more […]

Read More
November 8, 2016
What? You’re thinking about a divorce after how many years?

Arnold and Maria did it, Tipper and Al did it…. They got divorced after decades of marriage. It’s happening. The divorce rate for people between 55 and 64 doubled between 1990 and 2010. DOUBLED. And, it tripled for people 65 and over! (Bowling Green University Study) The kids are gone, the house is quiet, the […]

Read More
October 12, 2016
The Importance of Post Divorce Counseling

Post-divorce counseling must sound like an oxymoron. If you were going to go to counseling you would have gone while you were married to save the marriage, right? Post-divorce counseling isn’t about “saving” the relationship, rather, it is about the children (if any) and learning. Post-Divorce Counseling Helps You and the Children There are a […]

Read More
October 10, 2016
Why do we need a divorce coach? I already have a therapist.

Divorce is one of the most challenging and difficult times of one’s life – and in the midst of this emotional turmoil, people are required to make decisions that will permanently affect their future (and their children’s future). Trying to sort through all of the logistical, legal, financial, and parenting decisions that have to be […]

Read More
September 27, 2016
Divorce Podcast
Read More
January 19, 2016
Consider a Collaborative Divorce for Privacy Reasons

Divorce in a courthouse setting isn’t for everyone. If you think about it, who really wants to be sitting in a courtroom? Who wants to witness attorneys in an open courtroom discuss their life? There are many disadvantages of the courtroom from an emotional standpoint. For many parties, the thought of all of this is […]

Read More

St. Louis Collaborative Family Law Association

Divorce … A Different Way, A Better Way, With Integrity.
© Copyright 2022 - Collaborative Family Law Association - All Rights Reserved
crossmenuchevron-down linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram