When you and your partner make the difficult decision to physically separate, often the next big decision is how you will share parenting time with the children. One option to consider is “nesting.”
Nesting describes a parenting arrangement in which parents divide their time between a shared “kid home” and another, separate parent-only living space. Typically, the parents spend time with their children under a set schedule, but instead of pinging the children back and forth between two separate homes, the children remain in the “kid home” while the parents move in and out according to their designated days.
| PROS | CONS |
| Minimizes disruption and change for children. | Parents may experience a lack of privacy |
| Children do not have to carry items back and forth between two homes | Sharing a living space (one that may still contain remnants of the past) with a former partner may take an emotional toll on parents |
| Preserves the continuity of home base for the children | Nesting may complicate parents’ personal lives if they start dating, as the arrangement may create awkwardness and discomfort |
| Can minimize or delay the financial impact of having to immediately support two households | May require more planning, outside of parenting, for the management of the home (cleaning, groceries, supplies for home, home maintenance, etc.) |
| Can minimize the financial impact if the parents only need to maintain one home that meets the children’s needs (size, number of bedrooms, location, school district, etc.) | Could be more financially burdensome if both parents must maintain a separate living space and the shared home. |
| Shifts the burden of having to move between two homes from the children to the parents | Children may still struggle with the emotional weight of living in a house filled with memories of their once-united family |
Nesting is a child-centric approach to parenting time that prioritizes stability for children and minimizes the numerous changes children are burdened with during and after divorce. Successful nesting requires trust and respect between co-parents and a history of low conflict, effective communication.
While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to dividing parenting time, the options available through the traditional court process are limited, and there is risk that a court-imposed cookie-cutter parenting schedule may not respect your family’s unique qualities, priorities, challenges, and values.
The collaborative divorce process allows parents to explore options outside the confines of the traditional court-process. Collaborative divorce prioritizes peaceful resolution and the preservation of a working relationship between parents. Parents’ concerns and interests are shared openly, and children are given a voice in the process as well. Every issue, including parenting time, is approached with the shared goal of reaching resolution while reducing the traumatic experience of divorce for parents and children. With the multifaceted team of collaborative professionals, parents can assess whether a nesting arrangement meets the needs of their unique family.
