Most of what Americans know about divorce comes from three sources:  TV, movies, and friends who have been through it. Too often, the impression these sources leave is one of a high conflict, ugly, adversarial process that leaves the couple disliking each other even more than they did when they decided to split up.

Collaborative Divorce presents a very different picture, one in which divorcing families focus on their futures rather than on determining who is more at fault in causing the breakup.

The word collaborative suggests a process that will only work when spouses are able to talk through their differences without insults and argument. But can a Collaborative Divorce work when both spouses are angry at each other and struggle to engage with each other without shouting and tears?

Surprisingly, the answer is “yes.”

The Collaborative process begins with the philosophy that divorce is a problem to be solved and not a battle to be waged. Particularly when children are involved, using a process that helps a couple plan for a post-divorce life can be infinitely more productive than a court battle, and the team-based approach used in Collaborative Divorce helps keep the spouses’ eyes firmly on the road ahead, rather than the rearview mirror.

Because the Collaborative professional team includes mental health professionals in the roles of divorce coach and child specialist, each of the spouses can air their grievances about each other, but rather than turning those complaints into hand grenades to be hurled at the other “side,” those professionals, along with the lawyers and financial specialist, will redirect their clients’ attention to their family’s future.

The mental health professionals can also coordinate their support with professional counselors who may have history with the family and can help the couple understand that planning for a co-parenting future is far more important that determining who is “right” and who is “wrong.” These professionals also coach the couple on how to discuss difficult issues, both through selecting more effective language and, critically, through listening to each other.

Proceeding with a Collaborative Divorce doesn’t mean all the anger, sadness, and disappointment magically disappears. It does mean, however, that a specially trained team of professionals will be focused on guiding a family in pain towards a better future. That way, the healing can begin even before the divorce is over.

To determine whether a Collaborative Divorce will help your family, contact one of the professionals listed on this site.