The decision to end a marriage is never easy, and how you choose to go about that process will, no doubt, be tailored to your family’s specific needs. 

One option is the Collaborative Divorce process. For most couples that choose Collaborative Divorce, one spouse learns about it and then brings it to the attention of the other. However, it can seem difficult to make a request of a partner you are separating and disconnecting from. Therefore, the question remains:

How do I introduce the Collaborative Divorce process so that my spouse sees it has benefits for the whole family? 

Collaborative Divorce has been around for nearly 35  years. The movement was founded by a Minnesota divorce lawyer who recognized that cooperating, rather than fighting, would better serve the interests of his clients and their families. Collaborative Divorce offers a gentle and humane way to support a family going through the divorce process. 

The Collaborative process allows for all three aspects of a divorce, legal, financial and socioemotional, to be addressed by individual professionals who help guide the couple, and children, if there are any, along the way. 

Here are a few suggestions on broaching this topic with your partner:

• Tell them that the Collaborative Divorce process not only helps the family cross the finish line but also gets them to the start of a new kind of way to be together, a new kind of relationship. Rather than focusing on endings, Collaborative Divorce allows a family to start anew. 
• Inform them that the professionals involved--legal, financial and mental health--are committed to the two clients being heard and fully engaged in the decision-making process. This approach leads to a family-based and solution- oriented outcome instead of one based upon position and problems.
• Tell your partner of the benefits to the children. Collaborative Divorce allows a mental health clinician to help assess the needs and wants of the children in order to create a plan best suited for your particular family. A Child Specialist can work in conjunction with other professionals (like a child’s therapist or school counselor) to help provide expert, child-centered information about child development, in general, and your child’s needs, in particular, to help guide you along the way. 
• Let them know that Collaborative Divorce uses one financial expert who gathers information on your family’s assets, income, and debt, which allows a more comprehensive approach to disconnecting financially. This leads to a better understanding of what your family has so that you may make better decisions about what your family will need moving forward. Having those discussions sourced with one professional saves time, money, and energy. 

Collaborative Divorce is done within a sphere of like-minded individuals, collaborating and caring for one another, mindful of the difficulties of the dissolution process, yet still making room for kindness and humanity in the separation. 

For those interested in that type of experience, Collaborative Divorce seems a no-brainer and would seem to be the logical choice. 

For more information, contact one of the Collaborative professionals listed on this site.